Things we like about smalltown living Pt.2

Remembrance Sunday

There's something heart-warming, not to mention gripping, about smalltown remembrance services. Maybe it's the scouts struggling to hold their flags up, maybe it's the sound system that doesn't really work that well, maybe it's the buglers who can't quite keep together during the last post, and just maybe it's the feeling that there's enough people present to whom the names on the memorials actually mean something.

When the flags get dipped, though, more than a lump comes to our throats.

What Ilkley does well.

Things we like about smalltown living Pt.1

Polite Kids Hey, it's Saturday night, and we're wandering between pubs, as is the way of our lives. And there's a group of kids, I say about 14, angel reckons 16, but whatever...they're sitting on the seats at the top of Brook Street, being bored, which is what teenagers do so well. And the usual calls go up for us to buy them a drink. Only, first, they tell us how much they like us. How they'll be our friends for ever. It's just so sweet. So, well, Ilkley... But, of course, helping them out would be illegal, and we're good people! Oh yes.

Sorry for the delay

It's Thursday.

That's eight commuter journeys this week.

Of which five have been delayed. Including one where we sat a whole fifty yards outside of Ilkley station for forty minutes. Thanks guys for letting us know BEFORE we left the fucking station, so we might have had the choice to get on a bus!

Sheeyat...

Visit Baht'at country

What the fuck were they thinking? What goes through the minds of people when they come back from the first day of their Marketing HND and go, 'boss, I've got this great idea'? Ilkley and the dales are to be re-branded as 'Baht'at Country'. We kid you not. You can sort of work out what they were thinking. 'Bronte Country has worked for Haworth, Herriott Country for wherever that is, Heartbeat Country for Goathland; surely Bahtat country will work for us?' Well, no, it won't. And a moment's thought would explain why. Here's what we learned at Branding 101. And what we didn't learn there, what we learnt from the good people at snarkhunting. First, don't jump on the bandwagon. The bandwagon has inevitably already jumped the shark. Just because tagging an area with 'country' has worked for a few places, doesn't mean it will work for you. This practice reeks of desperation. Especially when, for the first time, this country is named after a song. A song that no-one understands! Classy move that! Second, don't get confused about your market. The places with 'country' attached aren't real anymore, they have no class, they appeal to the lumpenproles and the foreigner wanting the 'England-in-an-easily-consumable-and-swallowable-globus' experience. They're all tea shops and sitcoms. Shit, there's even a summer wine country (and, oh, that's a place where I don't ever want to go). Ilkley and the Dales aren't like that. Sure, it's always been traditional for the place to be filled with the scum from Bradford come Bank Holiday, but that's okay as long as they're gone by nightfall. And why do they come? Because Ilkley offers them a short holiday in a better class of existence. Don't appeal to them, don't sell to them, or they won't be interested in coming. And thirdly and most bleedin obviously, bahtat country doesn't work because no-one can spell the fucking word. Anyone who's been to the wonderful Bar T'at knows that that phrase is almost impossible to spell first time. So you do a radio spot and declare 'come to visit baht'at country'. And everyone who hears it goes 'hunnh?'. Not to mention having to take six runs at the url. What IS the fucking point?